Is Your Skills About to Expired: Spam and Free Verse

Waste not, want not.  In this time of scarcity, anxiety and making do, I recently felt compelled to use something I have in abundance.  I bet you have it, too.  That’s right.  Spam.  And not the kind that comes from Hormel.

Maybe I have too much time to think, or maybe some of the hilarious subject lines I’ve received just finally got to me, but for the past few weeks I’ve been collecting the best.  When someone asked “Is your skills about to expired?”  I decided to see.  I never had much skill as a poet, but I decided to find out if what little I once possessed has indeed expired.  You be the judge.

So here goes. I’ve made the best of my collection into a poem.  These are all genuine subject lines, but I’ll confess to adding a conjunction and punctuation.  I shudder to think what some of them were promoting, but the actual emails remain a mystery.

If you’re feeling creative, you, too, could give this a try.  After all, this is a “use what you have” time in our history.  Although one of these lines is a bit “iffy”, I’ve tried to avoid what seem to be obvious attempts to sell Viagra or worse.  You try that, too.

And without further ado?


With regards

Accidentally sent you money

You could make $24,000 in 24 hours

So that. . ?

Money means nothing when you can’t feel the taste of life.

Natural powers will rejuvenate your health and looks

Stay free and win

Create the life you’ve always wanted.

Look into the future with enthusiasm but

Come one hour later.

In Russia, sometimes it rains cement.

Strippers help Las Vegas area schools

Show me your watch and I will tell you who you are

Say a few words here. No?

Should I call your wife?



  1. Jackie Robertson on July 23, 2009 at 8:11 am

    Happiness: Friends, Family, and a purpose for every day.

  2. Connie on July 23, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    On 07.18.09 I completed “Touching Stars”. A part of me felt a tremendous loss upon reaching the final pages. You did a superb job developing the characters and drawing me, the reader, in. Becoming engrossed/absorbed in the book allowed me a safe place to escape to during this time of life challanges and my dad’s losing battle with ALS. Sitting at his bedside observing his final struggles were very difficult, even more so, because I was alone.
    I had ordered ‘Endless Chain’ and found myself grateful the book had arrived when I finished ‘Touching Stars.’ I will forever be indebted to you for your literary works helped me through this time and eased my sorrow. Dad’s battle is now over. Thank you again.
    I am sure you never know what impact your works will have when you are writing but let me assure you…you have truly touched my life.
    The added incentive of ‘Season of Grace’ BOM has also, kept my hands busy. I have completed all the blocks and will post them at a later date.

  3. Emilie Richards on July 23, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    I can not imagine a more difficult time in anybody’s life. I am so glad my books could provide a little respite. I’m so sorry for your loss and for what must have been months of sadness while you were going through this.

  4. Debbie Haupt on July 24, 2009 at 9:34 am

    I’m still wiping the tears from my eyes Emilie, I LOVED IT!!!
    Now every time I dump my spam in the trash I’ll think of you. I wonder what the senders think of your little poem.
    And to Connie I’m so sorry for your loss and Emilie has gotten me through many trials in my life by engrossing myself in someone else’s troubles or just enjoying her stories. And no one should be alone, I will keep you in my thoughts.

  5. Emilie Richards on July 24, 2009 at 11:23 am

    I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s a little wacky, I’ll admit.

  6. Lynn Rettig on July 25, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    I kind of got here by default. I get the “Fresh Pick” e-newsletter from Fresh Fiction, and today (25 July), the pick was “Happiness Key”. All right, no problem there. I like your style. Unfortunately, the blurb the had posted about the book, stopped as Janya Kapur is leaving her wealthy, close-knit Indian family for …. For what?!? I wanted to scream at my computer. I wandered around the Fresh Fiction site for a while, and found the same problem throughout for this book. I finally gave up on Fresh Fiction, and googled you and found the coupon (THANK YOU! I was already planning to go to Border’s tomorrow!), and saw the bit about “Is Your Skills …” and just had to read it all. I then just started laughing my head off. I have never, EVER heard of a better use for those stupid, annoying, and obnoxious spam-mails!!!! Thanks you for a great ending to an already good evening!
    P. S.: I am now going to go sign up for any newsletter you may have! lynn

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